Introspection has been a battle in my life for many years. It may seem strange to call it a battle, but it is. Why?
When I read the New Testament I do not read an introspective document. When I read the New Testament I do not read a sin focused document. When I read the New Testament I do not read a self-focused, self-serious document.
Clearly the apostles call Christians to put sin to death in light of Christ's work and their union with him. Clearly God calls us to identify sins of words, behavior, and heart that rise in our lives and to put them to death. Clearly we are to put on Christ -- to displace the sins of Adam with the beauty of Christ.
Introspection is a form of self-exploration that looks godly. It looks godly because it is a quest for sin and sinful motives. But introspection is self-focused. Introspection is self-reliant. Introspection can become all consuming.
What seems to be the pattern for godliness in the NT is identifying visible sinful behavior and sinful motives that can be seen relatively quickly. Paul tells the Philippians that they are to walk by the light they have, and God will reveal more to them as they walk (3:12-16). This means that the normal Christian progress in putting off sin and putting on righteousness looks more like a walk into brighter and brighter light -- and by means of the Word and fellowship seeing specific marks of the old man that only become evident as the light gets brighter.
Let me give an analogy. I have a garden behind our house. In that garden are plants I want there and plants I do not want there. The ones I do not want are called weeds. At any time, there is a vast array of weeds germinating beneath the surface of the soil. But I wait for them to appear, then I pull them out root and all, to the best ability of what I can see. That is normal growth for the Christian -- my heart is active with sin, and in certain circumstances the depths of my heart's motives sprout in a sin that is obvious to me or to those around me. At that time I identify the weed and its root, and pull it.
Introspection is a relentless digging for the seeds and early development of weeds below the surface. Introspection if digging up a spade full of soil and combing through it to find any trace of weeds. And then to dig up the next. And the next.
Sadly, some take Paul's exhortation to examine ourselves before the Lord's Supper as a matter of spade work in our hearts. Sadly I for years thought that this kind of digging and examination is what it meant to keep my heart, to put sin to death. I no longer think so.
I am to look to Christ, live in his grace each day. As i walk through the day, with the Spirit at work in me and sin at work as well, I will sin. Sometimes the sin is obvious (yelling at the kids), sometimes it is subtle (an angry edge to my voice), sometimes it is apparent only in my thoughts (engaging in a mental argument with someone). I do not always see my sin even when it is in the daylight. I need the help of others to see and identify the sin so I can apply Christ to it.
What does this look like? It is one situation at a time. Suppose I become angry with my kids and my wife points this out to me. I see it. We discuss it and with a little help see that the root of the anger was the kids interrupted my peace and quiet. I wanted peace and quiet right then. I see the idol of peace and quiet. I confess it to God, to my kids, ask their forgiveness, and move on. I m amazed at grace once more.
BUT I AM NOT to start looking for all the ways a love of peace and quiet affects me at every other time in my life. I am not to call for my wife to have an hour long conversation about all the other idols she sees in my life. As a matter of fact, it is even OK just to confess to the kids that I spoke sinfully to them. I may not have time right them to evaluate motive.
What of these two examples? The first is self-judgment before God, the latter is introspection. I am learning to walk in the light and allow sin to become apparent. I am learning not to turn my eyes inward to explore the cave of my heart. Rather, I am exploring the depths of Christ's glory.
Ye have a great understanding of the doctrine of sin. I be liking your scrawlings.
We may keep trying to pull up weeds but we may never have a perfect garden. It may look perfect for us, but God knows what seeds are germinating. Upon God's grace we are dependent.
Many scallywags think that this would lead to a joyless and guilt-ridden lives yet they be wrong. Knowing I'm going to screw up helps me be a little more graceful to myself and others. It allows me to stand in the awe of the everyday grace that is so present.
In Christ.
Posted by: Dread Pirate Scetis | January 25, 2010 at 08:43 AM
This is an interesting series...I have fought this battle as well brother.
Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. (Psalm 19:12)
David recognizes that he has hidden faults but leaves them to God's merciful forgiveness.
Posted by: Jeff H | January 22, 2010 at 11:30 AM