Is biblical fellowship optional?

As a young boy my parents made sure I was taken to church, week after week.  Their thinking was that church would be the place I received a religious education. They both served in the church in various capacities and were good friends with the pastor.  I seem to remember that their pattern of church life was very common among their friends as well -- attendance at worship, kids in Sunday School, and some service. And, very little relationship with fellow Christians at the level of fellowship.  We got older and teased my father that he could make the fastest exit from worship on Sunday -- getting to the exit door to shake hands with the minister in less than 2 seconds, leapfrogging over all those rows ahead of him to the exit, bolting for the door when the last Amen was uttered.  The motto was, "Just because I go to church with them, doesn't mean they have to be my friends."

I am grateful for my parents influence on my life, and I am blessed that my last face to face conversation with my dad before he died involved his clear confession of faith in the crucified Savior. And I am not being critical of them per se; their thinking is representative of tens of millions of people . . . but it represents the idea that life in the local church is attendance and serviced but NOT relational depth with fellow believers. 

The reasons were very clear -- we chose our friends and we found some of those folks at First Church of Wherever to be difficult or petty or stupid.  In other words, we find that close relationships with fellow sinners are a challenge and we think it is our right to pick the circle of friends that surround us.  We would pick the ones we find most pleasant and with whom we are in most agreement.

Is that an option?  Is it an option to attend a Bible teaching church and engage is superficial relationship with almost all?  Is it an option to pick and choose the people around me so that I do not have to deal with the irritable habits of some others?  Of course it is an option, but it is not what Scripture calls us to.  It is the sad choice to avoid a means of grace in life that is one of the most effective -- the means of rubbing shoulders with fellow redeemed sinners who are now saints -- through which my sins are exposed and I am invited to grow in godliness.  It is the rejection of powerful encouragement as well. 

In the next few posts I wish to explore this . . .

Comments

[Denise Wetzler]

What an interesting perspective: "Of course it is an option, but it is not what Scripture calls us to." If one truly believes what Scripture says and desires to put it into practice, it is never an option but a requirement, and one I would gladly follow. Since becoming involved in my current church I have seen something real and not superficial in terms of true Biblical fellowship in the New Testament church sense. I have found that my church's requirement for membership that I be an active participant in a care group is not only Biblical, but wise as well.
Where else can I find a safe refuge to share my warts, make huge mistakes, be human, experience others do the same thing, and when we all call it a night we thank our Lord and Savior that His death on the cross makes it possible for God to forgive our sins against Him; but more importantly to forgive our constant sin against our brothers and sisters. I cannot imagine being able to live the Christian life without the support of my care group.
Life is short, pray hard.

[Harley Pebley]

I'm truly looking forward to the future posts on this topic.

This is a timely series as my wife and I are still licking our wounds from having received a letter a couple weeks ago from the elders of the church we were attending saying we "weren't welcome there". Sigh. Not the first time trying to go past surface relationships has had this result.

Q: Is it an option to attend a Bible teaching church and engage in superficial relationship with almost all?

(Warning: mini-rant based on my 40+ years experience attending evangelical churches, probably colored by recent events.)

A: This is the option church leadership encourages by their deeds. Their words say the contrary, but their actions prove they don't want deep relationships.

Deep relationships primarily occur by going through rough times together; iron sharpening iron. But, rough times tend not to be too harmonious or unifying, so in the name of "unity" the "problem makers" are disciplined and they learn not to rock the boat. Hence deep relationships are never given a chance to be nurtured and we're left with only shallow, surface relationships. I think long term, true unity is sacrificed on the altar of what's called unity but actually is simply avoidance.

[Reg Schofield]

Making friends at the best of times can be a difficult thing. The ones that are really deep and lasting even harder but that is not to exclude the fact we are made to be relational. The problem can arise when you attend a church for the first time and your swarmed buy what maybe sincere believers in trying to make you welcome and others trying to force themselves on you.
In a fellowship the rules of friendship I hold must develop in much the same way it occurs outside the church. It has to be natural and slow. Plus we will become deeper friends with those whom we have some from of connection to. But we should not hide either.
The key to being blessed by deep relationships is to allow for grace and forgiveness to rule . We are sinners still and I think many avoid relationships within the context of church because they have been hurt in the past or uncomfortable to showing the fact we are vulnerable . We will disappoint but in Christ we must be willing to hold each accountable in grace and love,allowing the friendship to grow through the hurts and warts .It can and will be messy but the payoff far out way hiding in the corner pew and running for the door after worship!

[Gord]

"Of course it is an option, but it is not what Scripture calls us to."

I have had a similar experience growing up in Church and have often wondered about the significance of Christian fellowship and have learned some hard lessons along the way. I look forward to how you will be treating this topic in light of the above quote. I am curious to read your take on what scripture calls us to, in relation to Christian fellowship.

Be sure to visit my blog at www.anonymousdiscipleship.blogspot.com
Thanks.

[Danny Slavich]

This is a really good point. I've realized more and more how amazing it is that God brings such different people together in the church. People I might not otherwise befriend are now my brothers and sisters, and are the people God has given me to grow with and closer to.