That sticky heart of pride

There I was on the front row -- backed up by folks joyously worshipping the Savior -- but my heart was heavy.  It had been a week of many sins -- mostly sins of the heart -- a critical spirit, harsh words, unbelief.  My devotional life was a wreck.  These seemed to me to be the same sins I had battled for thirty years. 

And there I was leading worship but full of discouragement.  I always pray for the active presence of the Spirit as we worship and as I did so the words of song leaped out at me.  "Lord, draw me deeper into the glories of Calvary."  Then that word formed in my mind --"Mark, is your judgment of yourself more important than my judgment if you?"

Ouch!!  There was my sin in all its vileness.  God had declared me righteous.  I had been fully accepted in the beloved.  My confessed sins were no longer on God's agenda.  But they were on mine.  And what really mattered to me was how I thought I was doing.  The fact that God knew me inside and out, chose me with all the knowledge at hand, sent his Son to bear my sins, and fully satisfied his holy character by his death -- that was small.  What really was important was that I was no longer living up to my own standards. God did not know what he was talking about.

There it was again -- my endless desire to exalt myself as God and to be worshipped as God.  Yes -- that is what rests in my heart due to indwelling sin -- but God knows that and has made me his own.  I turned my heart to rest his his judgment of me in Christ and I found sweet peace in him.  I renounced my goodness -- I repented of my righteousness -- and fled to the cross.

Comments

[Rob Wilkerson]

A cycle I would personally experience half of the Sundays in each month. Glad I'm not the only 'wierdo' in the bunch experiencing such battles while we're simply trying to exult in the King!

[Dan]

Thanks for the excellent post! It is so easy to believe the gospel theologically but fail to believe it functionally. Thanks for the great reminder.

One of the other things I appreciate about your post is that it demonstrates that the thing that assures us the most about our standing before God is also the thing that convicts us the most. What a wonderful combination! As Tim Keller would say, this two-fold work of the gospel gives us confidence on the one hand and humbles us on the other.